little diapered chat

You know that feeling you get, when you see a picture, or someone in a crowd, someone realllllly cute, and you just kinda fall in love? That "d'awwwwww" feeling, you swoon and imagine holding that persons hand or patting their diapered bottom. Depending on where you're at hormonally/emotionally you could get really jealous, reflect off of their privilege, your regrets and insecurities, and feel bad about yourself. You could also feel inspired, more focused on becoming a lovely person yourself. You could have the urge to buy them things, or to masturbate furiously, or try to invalidate them. Your palms get a little sweaty, chest tightens and you want nothing more than for them to acknowledge you and maybe, just maybe, like you.

I get that feeling sometimes, especially around diaper girls. Diapers are kinda my thing, not sure if I've addressed that, I especially like cute diaper girls. I lose my composure, I have witnessed things that were too cute to handle, I panic, my brain can't handle the cuteness sometimes. I do well attracting cis and/or vanilla women because I don't really like cisgendered and/or vanilla women, though I don't count out any identity for romance. I just couldn't see myself going the distance with a someone who didn't get into my little side, think its cute etc. I lose my usually suave composure around diaper girls because, well, if you're visiting this website I probably don't have to explain why diaper girls are a national treasure, I mean, c'mon, look at her...

And that brings me to today's video. I first saw Candi on fetlife and many of the aforementioned feelings kinda sprung up. Not trying to marginalize anyone, but I like transgirls, I like transpeople, sharing friendship, cuddles, intimacy, special moments, love, sex. I haven't found myself dating or wanting to date a transperson (or anyone really), I couldn't imagine being with someone as confuzzled as me, also why I generally look outside of my age range. After my first love and I went our separate ways, I entered a intimate, exploratory, occasionally abusive relationship with myself. I've never had a legitimate role-model for relationships and would rather focus on my own life, goals, accomplishments, than partner up with some other lost soul. I think I'm happy being unattached, I travel, i'm a sex worker, I put my diary on the internet, these things can be hard to deal with in a relationship and I scare/turn away most if not all relationships. I've considered a relationship with a few people recently but I don't know, I can see it ending bad, I don't want to hurt anyone or lead them on. I do occasionally feel the bitter sting of loneliness, and that's what good friends and stuffed animals are for.

Let's talk about Candi. We started talking a few months ago, her pictures were really amazing and she seemed to be a sweet girl. I reached out to her for some advice about girl-stuff and she was quick to respond, I could tell that we were going to be friends. I moved to NYC, she visited, we connected  and for an evening in the Bronx we were too cuddly littles and our stuffys, watching cartoons and eating snacks. I do tend to take a more Mommy/big sister/domme role more, it's comfortable for me, I love having little diapered friends fall asleep in my arms. I see myself "retiring" as a full-time submissive, though I will always enjoy giving affection and caring for littles. Candi enabled my maternal instinct as she is quite the little girl, our time together was wonderfully platonic and she regresses in a way that is really amazing to see. I find that we can have walls up that keep us from really letting go, from being who we want to be, from playing and being little. This little girl transcends that and seeing her in her natural state was really inspiring, I couldn't stop smiling.

I've continued learning from her take on the little lifestyle, through our friendship, fetlife, twitter and various littles forums. She's recently launched LifestyleLittle.com and I'm really looking forward to seeing that grow. Her Vlog is getting a great start, I see it becoming a top ABDL site if she continues with it. It's a pleasure to read the musings on the specifics of the diapered world, pressures of being little, stories about her Mommy (fellow adult entertainment pro Lucia Matthews) and their time together, lots of good introspective stuff against a background of pink and pretty. Check her site out... but watch this video first :)

Untitled from Riley Kilo on Vimeo.

We had a little diapered chat when she visited and made a little video about our stuffys, diaper sizes, staying dry at night. I hope you like it <3

Annnnnnnnd to wrap up this post, just a few moments ago I got my millionth hit since I transitioned to RileyKilo.com in 2009, syncronistically happening around my 5 year anniversary. It's been great and have lots more in store for the site, but what I'm really excited about is the folks that are getting out there with fresh new sites like Zorro and Candi, comment with your suggestions on other worthwhile reads. These folks are adding to the record of human history, taking it upon themselves to share with the world and to build awareness and understanding. If you have a positive message, ideas and emotions to get out, just do it and don't worry about viewership, say it, write it, Vlog it, express yourself. Here's looking forward to more millionth hits around the littles world, to more crinkly, cuddly creativity, to new friends and people that can totally disarm you... here's to diaper girls <3

more stuff soon