Crinklebell pt. 5

I'm in your arms, late at night, I blink, wiggle a bit, then blink again.

I blink a third time and I notice a little green light come from inside of my backpack... I wiggled a bit more, trying to get out of your arms without waking you, I am pretty good at "Don't Wake Daddy" :) I snuck out of the bed and nary a crinkle was heard, I was so worried about waking you I didn't take a moment to rationalize *why* I was chasing this light and more importantly, what the light was. I crawl across the floor to the still glowing backpack, I felt more crawly than walky, it must have been those thick diapers you put me in! As I get closer to the backpack, the only bit of glow in the darkness of the room grew brighter, much brighter. I was in awe, and with a shaking hand I begin to unzip it...  a ::poof:: of green-gold glitter and out comes a bit of life that quickly zips out of the backpack and around the room, knocking wall fixtures askew and coating everything with glitter. I quickly abandoned my attempts to be silent, and just as i'm about to scream out, the light jets towards me and the glitter and light all whirls up and we vanish with another ::poof::

Now, you may think I had been abducted by little green men or that I had drank the water from "It's a Small Small World", but myself and the rest of the believers know who it was fluttering around my room... See,  I wasn't going to scream out in terror, no, the words that came out in my most little voice were...

"TinkerBell!"

I knew it! I knew that Tinkerbell wouldn't let a little girls wish to be a princess go unanswered :) As the glitter and the glow faded the outline of Snow Whites castle came into view, as did the sunshine and a whole hollow of fairies! They buzzed all around me and suddenly I was wearing the most wonderful green fairy dress :) It has leaves and ruffles and pink flowers and fit me just right, it was a wonderful gift! I couldn't help but smile and giggle, to breath in that fresh-baked cookie smell and get lost in the magic, the dream... We were part of a hidden world and all I could see were the fairies around me... But where was my wish-granter?

"Tinkerbell?!" I cry out again, and I feel the gusset of my dress tighten up to which I respond with an gasp!

"one... more.. adjustment"... *gasp*  "Perfect! We can't have our little girls dress falling off while she's flying!"

Before I could say "Flying!?!" the fairies and I are whisked up to the top of Snow Whites castle in a flash of green. I yelped, but stopped as soon as I realized I'm looking down on Disneyland I grew silent, the colors of the park and the people are almost too bright for this dreamers eyes. Then, a soft green bit of light flits about with all her fairy friends on a ledge in front of me. I crossed my feet in a very proper bow, and Tinkerbell speaks up... "Hello little one! Don't you feel like a princess now?"

I looked down at my dress, and though it fit me just right and it was really pretty, it wasn't a princess dress like the one I saw on the boat. I looked up at her and tentatively pulled on one of the pretty green leaves, thankful but pouty... As if my Tink knew exactly what I was thinking, she states "thats true Riley, you're not a princess!" there was a gasp among the fairies, *not a princess?* I heard them murmur in their tiny voices, but before a little tear forms in the corner of my eye, Tinkerbell says, "You're not *just* a princess, you're a fairy princess!"

There was a cheer among the fairies and I turned red, smiled, giggled, did another little curtsy. I felt so wonderful, so cute, so cuddly, I knew someday i'd be that princess on the top of the boat someday, *yeah Riley, you're the best!* be it literally or hypothetically, I knew that if I believed in and loved myself, my art, my fellow fairy, than I would be able to accomplish anything *thats the fairy way, if you believe, you may become!*  I may not be Cinderella, I don't have my prince or even a pumpkin to get around in, but those things don't suit me, maybe someday they will *we think green is very complimentary*

I was delighted, a smile came across my face bigger than the greater Los Angeles area, a gaggle of fairies complimenting me, being sweet, treating me as a friend, Tinkerbell must have known that I was wearing her diapers. I felt really awesome, felt like magic, and this is the point where I realized it was a dream. The ceilings blurred with the walls, nothing had edges, I was somewhere unbelievable and surrounded by fairies! I had forgotten about the hotel room, my little apartment in Hollywood, my bear, I had forgotten the dark dreams, the ones with teeth, the ones that come from not-so-good  memories.

 The fairies all chimed up, formed a big heart all at once, and with a ::poof:: of fairy dust those feelings were all gone, my thoughts turned to the embrace of my dress, my crinkles, the night air on my shoulders, the moon  full and clear. The fireworks were brilliant, they filled the sky, filled it and filled it with brilliance and light, I knew my eyes were opening and the day was flooding in

                     one more moment Tinkerbell

                                              You can come back to this moment whenever you'd like

                                                                                       I want to stay here forever

You Are Here Forever

You and I are packing up the room, the Anaheim sun is beating down and you're anxious to make your flight, I'm sad to see you go. We're double-bagging our diapers and gathering our various chargers and cords. You can tell my mind is somewhere else *don't forget, you're here forever* I joke that its "Disney Drop", a less painful version of the sub-drop i'll be feeling once I'm without cuddles again. Its tough being a little girl, its tough being a lost girl who everyone thought was a lost boy, its tough finding tolerance, let alone love *you are loved Riley* There are things that you'll never understand about your little princess, so you give me a hug, tell me to take the diapers outside *young lady* I smile, kiss you on the cheek and we go back to living. 

There are things i'll never understand about dreams, about Disney, about time, memories, or what happens when we die. I do know that Tinkerbell would not break a promise, though I may find myself a millions of measurements from that little moment where I became a fairy princess, I know i'll be back. 

That's something worth believing in, isn't it?