nostalgia generation

Hello friends! It's 1/1/11, and I'm feeling lovely, optimistic, positive! I'm (of course) in my green and pink  sleeper with little monkeys on it and a little Tena for Women under it, I've had a lovely new year so far. I woke up and drank some SuperFood, I didn't really go out on NYE, it's amateur night and I didn't feel like being in a big crowd of drunk people. I'm over the concept that drinking is an integral part in having a good time socializing, and I always try to avoid the major drinking holidays like St. Patrick's or Cinco De Mayo (for the college students) or Valentines day (I've been single a long time)

What's ahead of me this year? Well, there's adventuring on the east coast later this month, I've been all over California in the last year and I want to check out some snowy terrain and see parts of the East left unexplored. I'll have my name changed this year, this is going to be a big year for my transition! Now that I'm taking a more noticeable amount of hormones I will be changing more and more, and I am looking forward to seeing myself next December. The biggest, most exciting thing that makes today notable is today I get healthcare. I'm directly effected by the current presidents new health plan, and that's pretty awesome, I'm decently covered for the first time in a long time. This means visiting good doctors, getting a check-up and all that, it's been a while since I've seen an M.D. outside of Doogie Howser reruns. I know I'm fit and healthy, but you never know. This year ended with a bang, a colds been getting around and I've been fighting it off the best I can, I rarely get sick and I think I'm in the clear but everyone around me is miserable. There has been a couple other little disasters that I don't want to dwell on, nothing I can't handle, let's just say I'm pretty excited that the holidays are over.

It's hard not to get all fuzzy and nostalgic in *that* season, but I don't think there's many of us that experienced idyllic childhoods, I have tons of great memories, but some bad stuff happened to me also, in my pursuit of nostalgia both good and scary memories have been stirred up. For example, I visited the stairs that hosted the bullying that led to my wrists breaking in middle school, it's not great for my mental well being to be where I grew up. A band by the name of Rilo Kiley in the song 'A Better Son/Daughter', they wrote, "the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap", and thats pretty much how I feel about my hometown. Is it worth it to hack through a jungle of fear, hostility and angst to get to the temple of happy memories? Probably not, so I'm going to make some new memories!

Thats what regression is all about for me, it's creating my own happy experiences from a time before I could reflect, worry and be judged for my actions. My little girl side is all kinds of happy and without a long timeline, no suitcase of memories or awkward boyhood. She only thinks of the ones she loves and only wants to be good, to look on the bright side of things. She has no regrets, she's the good that won't come out in the real world, a side not meant to be exposed on the city streets, a side reserved for and accepted by a precious few. I'm going to delve deeper into this mindset this year, talk to others on both sides of the little/big spectrum and learn more about individual passions and points of view. I see the world a certain way, every new person I meet I get a unique perspective, I'm going to fill my year (and the next, and the next) with these chances to expand my understanding.

I'm happy to be where I am and where I'm going, and the people who've helped me out this year and the years before receive my most sincere thanks, it's been quite the journey and your kindness has kept me going, kept me alive. This is going to be a good year, it's been pretty good so far, uneventful, but it's only been a few hours. I remember when 2000 seemed far away, and now it's 11 years after the fact... lets move onward, upward, to a better tomorrow, and not worry about that age and time thing so much. This is a song I remember from a decade ago, its one last bit of nostalgia for the season, to remind us of where we are, and how we got here.  <3

This year many things have come to pass

Raise a glass, Raise a glass

Some things really kicked our ass

Raise a glass, Raise a glass

Jims Big Ego - New Lang Syne