wandering eyes

Alright! I've been busy busy busy, getting things in order for my next step... which has yet to be determined. I'm at a friends house in my hometown, I needed to come back for various reasons, mental well-being was one of them. This weekend I'm either heading north towards Portland/Olympia or east towards Vegas. I rarely go north and the weather I'm sure is awful so I might put that on the backburner. Vegas is going to be warmer, a friend is moving there and it's a 24 hour city, so I won't have the difficulty between 2am and sunup like in most cities. It's a crazy place though, I'm interested in maybe exploring the city proper, Vegas is HUGE, I've only really seen the strip. Vegas is where I lost my virginity so many years ago, filming Defcon. I've been back since and it's reputation for being hazardous is dependent on how hazardous you want to get, lots of advantages for relatively sober people as myself, I've always kept a cool head in wild situations.

Its sad that I haven't had a chance to update more, I haven't had the opportunity to do a video since my last one, my camera is picky and you need firewire ports and a decent PC to upload stuff. It's been a week since my appeal, probably have 2 or 3 more weeks until I find out my future, i'm making plans for both results, I go from confident to worried to frustrated back to confident. It's going to be a great injustice if the judge doesn't approve my appeakl, but that seems to be a consistent theme in my life. I'm excited to find out the results regardless, I'm feeling very much in limbo, you will know as soon as I do!

Outside of the nail-biting anticipation I've been well. I think the main thing that's bothering me right now is that this blog could become a deterrent from people maybe "coming out", I'm afraid that my negative experiences might scare people away from expressing their true selves. It's REQUIRED you understand that my troubles are a result of my town, my visibility, my actions. My town is filled with crime and drugs and bored cowtown "douchebags", the folks that don't bother with the art scene seem to think the only thing to do in this town is get high and break stuff, pabst and meth are a great sickness in my town. As for my visibility, I'm super thin, I haven't owned a car in over 2 years and everyone in my 2,000+ student high school knew me, and the surrounding high schools were relatively aware as well, I made a pretty big impact in the suburbs during my time spent. Those "bro" kids have grown up and I'm sure are the ones throwing things out their car windows at me. "That's why I left!" says the person who's still here... I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone has different resource levels and experiences, I've had a tough life from the get-go, seeing my Mom overcome being a single mother and everything set the path for me, I never expected or desired the easy way, life isn't about the race to retirement. I'm having a unique experience, not without trials and tribulations, but one that has and will lead to open doors and opened minds.

I will be adventuring out of here with the quickness, I'm hoping to do a bit of video before I go. I'm going to be trying to crank out as many emails and hopefully a post or two before I get back on the road again... I need to write a FAQ about some of the basics of my life, I haven't been terribly clear about a couple things, this world could use a bit more clarity and I think I'm just the girl to do it. All for the sake of clarity, I want to expand on a couple thoughts. 1st off, Thailand is starting to sound like a reality. I'm doing tons of research, talking to people, reading books, thinking it might be a place for me to land at some point. I'm still exploring it, but it would be fascinating for both my transgendered and my AdultBaby/DiaperLover readers, Thailand is a mecca for the art if beautiful transgirls as well as ageplay culture, sounds like the place to be, more on that story as it develops.

The 2nd thing I wanted to make apparent was I'm having the time of my life. There are ups and downs of course, but I could have taken "safer" options, I could have found a job at McDonalds, I could have done a wealth of things that didn't involve exploration and learning, but I didn't. Be aware that my own decisions led to this, that I have few regrets and it's not tragic, it's an adventure. If you've seen my videos you can probably tell that I'm a really sweet, friendly and kind young woman, people welcome me, I think they see the compassion in my eyes, a fresh spark, my almost decade of dead-end employment almost extinguished that flame, but it's back burning brighter than ever. My bright eyes open doors that no key or bank card could open, behind them are a millions of experiences, and my eyes will grow brighter and brighter until the moment they close, and those doors will be left open for the future Riley's of the world.

Until then, here's a song. More stuff soon!

the truth is i've been searching for some tired tranquil place
where the weather won't get trapped inside my bones
and if all these years of searching find one sympathetic face

then it's there i'll plant these seeds and make my home

P.S. - Thanks <3