Wet Dream

Very strange, very strange indeed.

I went to bed last night, nothing really special about the evening other than an exceptionally clean room and freshly washed sheets. I had forgotten my topsheet in the dryer and didn't pull it out until I was nodding off, so I just folded my comforter in half and slept on top of my plastic sheets, like a big snuggly chulupa. I dozed off all warm and wrapped up, my skin on freshly washed sheets, naked as we came.

I don't masturbate very often these days, if I do have sexy times, it's on cam or w/ someone else... I just think I need that "human touch" that lotion and Japanese diaper videos can't provide. I've had a pretty stressful last few days, visiting family and travel troubles, lots of un-sexy times that didn't allow for carnal acts. Though to be honest, I'm significantly less "horny" than I was before hormones, "cuddly" is a better word to describe how I feel now. I want to be touched, held, not just orgasm. Horniness has always been confusing, i'm super-sensitive and my aggressively circumcised parts are my main erogenous zone, so even though I feel dsyphoric (read: out of place, negative) about my parts, I still have to work around them to orgasm. Sex/orgasms are inevitably going to happen be it with a friend or playing on cam, it'd be a shame to  turn that part of myself off.

I learned that I can't turn it off, even if I get distracted. I don't remember the dream at all, I just found myself in a daze feeling as if I really, really needed to pee. Not asleep, but definitely not conscious, I realized I was about to orgasm or pee, and I didn't really care which one. I felt myself orgasm, which woke me up, but still at this point I wasn't sure if i was wetting or ejaculating. My senses come to me, and I realize I had just came, and still really needed to pee. It's the middle of the night, I pee and it feels amazing, still "raging" downstairs, i'm glad my roommates hadn't seen me as the sight of the thing was rather threatening. The more time you spend w/o getting erections, the stranger they feel, and the whole teenage-ness about having a wet dream left me feeling pretty confused. I didn't even realize how cold it was until I found my teeth chattering, I was very quickly back under the sheets, and into a footy sleeper and diaper. It's a shame that as soon as I was my covers I cum all over them, silly little girl can't control herself sometimes :)

So why did this happen? Yesterday was one of the better days i'd had in a while. I did some fall cleaning, organizing, laundry etc, and as a result was in a footy and diaper most all day. I went through 3 whole pairs of attends, one with a baby diaper stuffer, and a Tena pull-up. It felt really awesome to be a crinklepants all day, I so rarely find the motivation to wear. Whenever I get back into my nappies there's always a "why don't I wear these more often!" moment, and this time was especially wonderful, I really missed my diapers. It's funny/sad how life can suck the life out of us sometimes, how we can forget what makes us happy or that we can actually achieve happiness. 

I don't know if it was happiness that caused my wet dream (though again, there was no dream), it was more likely the fact that i'm super-super-super sensitive, and the way I folded my comforter added extra friction to my clit. I say clit, not like as a jokey name to avoid saying "cock", but because as I get older I realize why my desire to transition is so strong, one of those reasons being the fact that my cock really should have been a clit, and the ridiculous sensitivity of it is good proof. It's nice to have something validate my choices, instead of just thinking of reasons why I shouldn't transition... damn those intrusive thoughts! 

I'm feeling pretty awesome friends, I'm not sure how long it's going to last, i'll try and hold on to these good feelings. My life is as stressful as it's ever been, but it's not going to get any better unless I do something about it :) More stuff soon, I just wanted to tell you about this morning's strangeness, I can't remember the last time I actually had a wet dream ~ I guess I'll be needing my nappies for now on, just in case :)

Hugs!