Hey there internet! Here's a picture I've been thinking about often, a little girl reflecting...
My sense of balance has been off lately. I spend too much time as a grownup :( I have to be tough when I go out, and when i'm home it's hard to find little space, as I am often exhausted or just not feeling it. I kinda fear going out as a cute little Riley so I go out as boring grown-up Riley, jeans and t-shirt etc... I feel like I've spent many of the cutest years of my life trying to hide. I'm tired of hiding, i'm tired of being alone!
I don't have any tattoos or piercings or anything, but I do have a desire to express myself more. This summer I plan to spend lots of time out, exploring, working/finding work, dressing how I please. I am starting to make more friends here in LA, which makes it easier to feel safe when out. Life has been interesting. I haven't been terribly productive on the website front, but have been doing a fair share of interviews, going over thoughts and ideas about my gender and ageplay and all that. I stopped going to therapy but need to start again. I have not been the happiest little panda lately.
A while back, someone said this blog took a dark turn, so they stopped reading. There's going to be darkness, always, but I'll try to show some more of the light. I have all the facilities to make awesome videos, tell my story, share thoughts, maybe even help others... but I don't. I'm not sure why not, but I have guesses. What i'm saying is, I won't avoid thoughtfulness on this blog, but look forward to more cuddly, crinkly, little girl content :) I need an outlet for that and the internet is the only real safe space I can find, save for the occasional dungeon party, which I still have real trouble getting into a regressive mode. I really don't want to slip into the unhealthy awfulness of letting my anxiety rule me, define me... you help me readers, you keep me going. I don't know where i'd be if it weren't for this site and the people who i've come to know through it.
Big hugs, more stuff sooooon!
Hey Riley, glad to see you are getting back to posting more. Also thank you for sharing the thoughts that are so important to you. I think they can help all of us figure ourselves out a little more. Best of luck as you figure out what you want to do in LA!
ReplyDeleteNo matter what you do and post, Riley. I will always enjoy reading this blog. If I don't like a certain subject I will just not read that one.
ReplyDeleteI'm watching some movies again when I go to put some on your website
ReplyDeleteRiley you are so strong, and i could not begin to understand the turmoil you must feel with gender identity. I wish i could be there for you, be a shoulder for you to cry on, anything i could help you with would be amazing. Too bad i live in Iowa, but that's what the internet is for. If you need someone to talk to, maybe we can skype or e-mail. I know i probably sound like a creepy stalker but i do not mean it to come out like that at all. Hope all gets better, and if i can help on that process that would be neat too
ReplyDelete-Joey McBride
hey riley can you show me how too pee in a diapers plz
ReplyDelete