Hey there folks! Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of my blog, so I wanted to give what is not just a retrospective on my life since the inception of ProtectionBlog (now StayDiapered) but a reflection of my entire experience. This is me, laid down in a more reader friendly format instead of being cryptically strewn across the last 1825 days (look TLC, I can multiply stuff too) - This is my Reddit IAmA.
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A fellow redditor linked me to an AmA request for Riley Kilo, so here I am!
I can't answer anything in regards to the production of the show, but I'd be happy to field questions about ABDL culture, who I am and what I do, ageplay, sex work (stripping/cam performance etc) i've done in SF and NYC and respectful questions about my transition/gender
I'll answer to the best of my abilities, you can find more of me @ RileyKilo.com (ad-free site) and to begin, I'm a transwoman (2 years of hormones) in NYC who enjoys being "little", wearing diapers and exploring regression through objects generally associated with babies or toddlers. It's a positive thing in my life and hopefully this will be a enlightening venture for all involved!
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[-] bloogens 5 points
How do your family and friends view this lifestyle? Are they supportive? How did you "come out" to them?
[-] rileyk 5 points
My family consists of a Mom and a sibling. We grew up blue collar and love each other, occasionally squabble but have a strong bond, my single mom worked hard, multiple jobs to care for my brother and I. I had a stepfather from 8 to 17 that was an alcoholic bastard, but is no longer part of our lives.
My sibling told me once that If I would have come out as an adult baby transgender stripper that he would have rejected me outright, but I played it smart, and at the pace that I made my own realizations.
I moved in with my secret much older boyfriend at 17, I came out to my brother (and soon after to my mom) as "gay" at 18, I was confused and didn't really fully realize the difference between sexual and gender identity.
I came out as trans at 19, it was confusing for them but they were cool and they accepted me changing my first name, Riley Kilo isn't my legal name, I changed my name from something quite masculine to something that kinda works both ways like sam/sammi.
I came out as AB/DL at 22 before moving to Massachusetts to be part of an ageplay family, which was a total disaster. My little family was accepting, they wanted the best for me, I made a bad decision which I fessed up to and returned to Northern California shortly thereafter.
I never talk to my family about the details of my diaper wearing habits (duh and/or hello) but they know, my brother sees stuff of me on 4chan or cheggit now and then, he'll text me something like "oh god, i refreshed the page one time too many" and it's not something we're too serious about. In coming out, i've learned the better YOU feel about something, the better the person you're telling will, I try not to make it seem like a big deal. It's really not, I don't smell like diapers or suck on a paci all the time, it's something me and similarly interested people love doing, and we generally do it discretely (unless a shock TV show is around)
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[-] DGCA 32 points
What's it like having a name so similar to Rilo Kiley?
[-] rileyk 3 points
it's awesome, when I was 16, I was in Hollywood seeing a screening of Clint Eastwoods "Blood Work" in which a friend played a decapitated body. Along with him came Blake Sennett, and I wouldn't have known if it weren't for Rilo Kiley's "August" started playing on the theatre's radio, this was the first time I heard them, and I've been a fan since, but mostly of their older stuff. I <3 most of Fleetwood Mac, I kinda consider Rilo Kiley to be a modern rendition. I've been kinda out of them for a while, but they were a big part of my "coming of age".
[-] DGCA 3 points
That's awesome! I never made the Fleetwood Mac connection myself but I can definitely see it. This has always been my favorite Rilo Kiley song for a while.
[-] rileyk 1 points
that song still makes me really sad and happy at the same time :)
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[-] rowdyonthevex 7 points
I still don't see how this is an addiction. It's more of a hobby or a sexual fetish or a lifestyle.
[-] rileyk 3 points
it's a fascination, a lifestyle a love/fetish for certain comfort objects. It's not an addiction, compulsion or chemical dependency.
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[-] waldentwo 6 points
I saw that episode when it aired, and I just wanted to say that I'm very happy for you. Everyone should have the freedom to do what they want if it isn't hurting other people. I'm glad you came to a place where you found something that makes you feel happy and content :)
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[-] AdamMurray91 3 points
What was the history between you and your guy friend that was featured in the episode? any juicy bits? I couldn't help but think maybe you were more than friends..
[-] rileyk 1 points
James is the straightest guy I know, we've know each other forever and have never fucked, sucked or anything of the sort. Lots of juicy, crazy stories from hanging out in SF back in the day, but nothing sexual between us.
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[-] mcr2582 1 points
If you've watched other shows that cover the AB/DL lifestyle, the people who go on them are typically older, in a mommy/baby relationship, and come off as depressed loners. I think Riley's point is that this episode was going to be made regardless, and while she didn't have control over the way the show was edited, she could make an attempt to provide positive footage to work with, and I think she did a great job. The show clearly has a template for all the people they profile. It's almost humorous. For example, any number that is mentioned gets multiplied out, "That's XXX per year!"
Like "Taboo", this show is designed to show off someone's life decisions and portray it as what it basically is: different than the so-called mainstream. But as the saying goes, "The only normal people, are the ones you don't know very well." In this case, I think Riley maintained a very positive, energetic attitude throughout the show. She played along with the templated "coming out to a friend" and "seeing a professional" stages. And certainly compared to the legitimate medical risk in eating dryer sheets, the AB lifestyle pales in comparison. Even the doctor admitted that it's not something Riley can change and didn't suggest that there was anything wrong with that. The only real negative the show could highlight was the challenge finding a partner, but there are plenty of people in and outside of the lifestyle that would be thrilled to meet a like-minded individual.
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[-] sldkfj 3 points
Do you have any other habits or hobbies that are completely (or at least mostly) unrelated to this?
[-] rileyk 3 points
I really love movies, Peckinpah, Lynch, Kubrick, Cronenburg, the weirder the better. I love to buy/sell Vinyl records, really into music (built to spill and Aphex Twin are two favorites) and have learned to be better about not judging others tastes, something your almost trained to do in record store counter culture. I love computers and the internet. I love sex.
I'm into fitness and yoga, but not into the spiritual aspects. I was raised christian for the values, am no longer a spiritual person, agnostic, I rarely think about or discuss religion, god, or what happens when we die.
[-] sldkfj 3 points 2 months ago
Wow. We have extremely similar taste in things.
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[-] rileyk 5 points 2 months ago
The ageplay family I was in fell apart due to issues beyond my control, I've never really talked about it, and never intend to.
I also usually don't intend to mess my diapers, but I do have an enema once in a while, I come from California, the land of beautiful women with sparkly clean colons.
Why do people always want to know about pooping first? I generally find that to be a troll move.
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[-] SoThatHappened 2 points 2 months ago
What exactly goes on in your mind when you're wearing the diaper?
How far do you take the age regression?
Have you heard of New Orleans Senator David Vitter? His political enemies make much noise about the rumor that he's into diaper play. Does you family know? Friends?
[-] rileyk 2 points 2 months ago
I generally get a feeling of cuddly-comfort when in a diaper, sometimes it puts me into a really regressive state where i feel cute, innocent, vulnurable and sometimes it's more of a confident "this feels right" thing.
I take regression pretty far, I can really get into a baby state when i'm with a partner or playing around with hypnosis (which is rare), it's all about your mental image, when I feel a crinkly diaper on me and a paci in my mouth I get into a slightly alternative mental state, "babyspace" i've heard it called. This is similar to if you had me (consensually) bound and gagged in a cage, I'd likely slip into "subspace", or if you gave me a really good massage, i'd slip into my "happyplace".
I have heard about David Vitter. Media loves to run with a story like that, I try not to focus on the bad press.
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[-] androidjoweh 2 points 2 months ago
Hi riley I am a huge fan, i first found you while i was searching for stuff on hormone therapy stuff for my friend kyle (soon to be Anita, i am so happy for her) and i found letsgetsrs on youtube and was immediately hooked. I too wear diapers but not as an abdl but cause i have to due to an undiagnosed medical condition. Seeing you do your thing and persivere as trans in a world like this really makes me think that good things happen to good people. So now on to my question~ Who are the most inspirational people you can think of? could be people you actually know, movie stars, celebrities etc.. who inspires you the most.
[-] rileyk 3 points 2 months ago
I'm really inspired by younger transpeople, those who have taken it upon themselves to make a better life.
Celebrity wise, I love Edward James Olmos because he's an interesting looking guy who really made a place for himself, and really does good things for the Latino community.
I really love David Firth, I think he's an amazing artist, I admire Pedro Almodovar for what he's shown in his films, I love Björk for being so happily childish and artistic, Alex Chilton, John Waters, Mitch Hedberg and probably most of all, Kurt Vonnegut for just being Kurt Vonnegut, I've learned so much from his outlook on life.
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[-] apostrophie 2 points
This is awesome. Thanks for doing this AmA, super interesting and sorry about the jerks/debby downers. Rock the fuck on.
[-] stoicaurelius 1 points 2 months ago
Hey buddy, I remember you from Sacramento via Wayne, Candice, etc etc. Cool to see you're doing well :)
[-] rileyk 0 points 2 months ago
thanks <3 did you see Candice on My Strange Addiction? She did great, but they made her look all scared, we just kicked it Brooklyn a couple nights ago :)
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[-] porkmaestro 1 points 2 months ago
Hi! Really sweet AMA. I'm curious, do people question the legitimacy of your transgenderedness because of the kinky stuff you do? If so, how do you react to those people?
As a separate note, I'm very deeply immersed in sissification myself and have been for a long time. Unfortunately, I've never expressed it. You are very brave for putting yourself out there like this. I don't think I could do the same because I am quite shy, but if I was more bold I most certainly would :D props, yo!
[-] rileyk 3 points 2 months ago
I'd be more brave if I didn't make money off of this. I do monetize my love of diapers in various ways, donations/private videos/my now-defunct site with Pampered Penny but my website is Ad-Free, and has been for most of the last 5 years. I try my best to represent myself (and in some peoples eyes, the community) in a positive light, if only to alleviate some if the social and personal shame from liking something so unique. I'm activist in many ways, and an opportunist in others.
I get a ton of drama from trans people for being ABDL, and just as much from ABDL people for being trans. I recently was featured in an article for the NY Observer about the 4chan/Brony community, and they really responded negatively to both my trans/ABDL nature. In any community there's going to be assholes, this whole argument of how "We're" represented is pretty ridiculous, I do my thing and keep an open mind, other folks tend to still hate on anything outside of their comfort zone.
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[-] oscar_the_slouch 1 points 2 months ago
Has being AB/DL gotten interfered with your work life? Also what do you do for a living? Do your coworkers know and if so how have they reacted (if at all)?
[-] rileyk 2 points 2 months ago
My first job was taco bell, 2 months later, I started working at an indie theatre where we accepted each others as individuals. Most places i've worked i've either completely hidden my identity or had an open enough environment that I could be whoever I wanted to be as long as I was responsible and legit. I currently do PC consultation, sell vinyl and porn to make my living.
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[-] Mutch 1 points 2 months ago
Can you explain what an ageplay family is? Thanks, this is a whole world i never knew existed and now I am curious.
[-] rileyk 1 points 2 months ago
I think I made that seem like it was actually a thing, I moved in with a Poly-family, meaning open but intimate relationship. The term family is used because of the submissive/dominant aspect, In this context I would be the little girl to a mommy and daddy, and maybe have other big/little brothers and sisters, whoever else was brought into the fold. It's not incestuous, the terms mommy/daddy just make more sense than mistress/master. There's a ton of stuff out there about D/s relationships, this is just a way to approach it that's becoming more recognized in the kink community.
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[-] killthemallseriously 1 points 2 months ago
Can we have a picture of you in diapers as evidence please?
[-] rileyk 3 points 2 months ago
https://picasaweb.google.com/protectionblog
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[-] phaman 1 points 2 months ago
I've watched a handful of episodes of my strange addiction and they all have the same trend where each person reveals their secret to a best friend. I always believed this part is faked every time. I don't recall her name but reading the others comments here it may have been Candice? While I believe it is possible that someone would keep it a secret, I find it more plausible that a close friend would be in the loop and both parties would be more comfortable discussing/revealing in private for the first time instead of Maury type cameras in your face.
tl;dr : does the close friend really have no clue?
[-] rileyk 1 points 2 months ago
"I can't answer anything in regards to the production of the show"
Candice and I are good buddies :)
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[-] Neonite 1 points 2 months ago
(please be still awake)
Before you transitioned and such, did you ever doubt that you were actually trans? I have a friend who, on top of not being in a position to look into transitioning or anything yet, gets down on herself for any bit of possible 'masculinity,' or something, that she shows. She's afraid that she's just a guy lying to himself about wanting to be a girl. What would you say to someone in that situation? (Ugh, I kind of feel like a dick for asking this and talking about her like this, but bluh.)
Also, as another AB, I just want to say you're awesome and strong and I hope you find a lot of happiness in your life. <3
[-] rileyk 2 points 2 months ago
With transitioning comes inner turmoil, dysphoria is a term used to describe the negative feelings transpeople have towards their bodies before transition, you just feel wrong as your current gender, and happier expressing yourself in a different role. I felt as if I was gay for a long time, before I really came to understand my gender identity and started exploring being a woman. At a young age, when I was more fascinated with women's clothing than I was with being perceived as a woman, I didn't want to be trans for fear of being ostracized from society and felt a ton of shame surrounding my feelings. As went on to meet tradespeople and understand that people actually live happily during and after transition. Finding that world really opened my life, and helped solidify my desire to identify as a woman.
My transition has been one of looks, depth of emotion and self-expression, my personality has remained intact, and haven't really sacrificed my behavior or interests. Many of the women in my life have been not necessarily masculine, just open, empowered, strong, i've never been a girly girl, a bit of a tomboy honestly. As a transperson, I try not to constrain myself to gender standards, I do what I have to to pass as a woman in public but other than that, I'm basically the same person I've always been. We all grow and learn and adapt, but when you start putting down violent video games because you think that makes you more of a boy I think that might be a slippery slope.
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[-] Hyro0o0 1 points 2 months ago
You may remember me as that "Super Collab" weirdo whose website you've linked on your blog. My question is how do I get the TV people to notice and do a show about ME? :P
[-] rileyk 1 points 2 months ago
that supercollab was awesome! I'm not sure, they initially contacted me but have an opening casting call for "strange addicts", many other shows have that. Just be careful, smart, cautious :)
I know a dude is going on Dr. Phil later this year, and i'm going to London next month to do some TV there. Put your face out there :)
[-] MsKillian 1 points 2 months ago
I'd like to add that I know her and she is awesome. Hi Riley :)
[-] arctickit 2 points 2 months ago
As another fellow ABDL (well more of a caretaker for my own sissy), the only thing I dislike is that you're spammed on one of the sites I frequent/add my own videos onto. For that reason alone I've always stayed away from your site. I seriously thought you just did it for the money because of the way your links are portrayed.
However, from reading about you I respect you more and I think you should keep up what you're doing, especially working towards SRS. I have a friend I'm taking to the doctor soon for her first surgery. She's been on hrt for 5 years now I think.
[-] rileyk 1 points 23 hours ago
Yeah, there's some folks out there that spam me either because they either think they're promoting me or because they want you to think exactly what you did. I see "me" posting in the chans or other sites relatively often, It always sends a shiver up my spine and a weird sense of disassociation.
The doing it for the money thing always gets me, I've made zero money from ad revenue on my site, I've done "diaper porn" and donations have kept me more or less alive at a couple points, but i really do love diapers and sharing that part of my life with the world. The friends I've made have been more than enough make up for whatever fluctuating effort I put into the site. Plus tons of free diapers <3
Well wishes to you friend, I'm going to keep working towards SRS, doing more general activism and media stuff, it's all pretty exciting <3 thanks for the kind words and the second chance!
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[-] hms_surprise 1 points 2 months ago
i don't mean this to be offensive, but do you see yourself ever moving past the diaper and regression exploration?
also, this is a baader-meinhof phenomenon to the extreme: i just watched your feature episode on tlc yesterday.
[-] rileyk 6 points 2 months ago
I have had a pretty rough life, and that may be the reason for my willingness to explore something that is outside of the norm and find my own path, but isn't the orgin of my behavior. My desire for diapers/regression happened at a very early age, literally my first memories, before my parents divorce or the heavy bullying in middle school/early high school happened. I don't regress to cope with or relive past trauma, merely to find comfort in objects that I'm attracted to for a relatively unknown reason. It's a positive thing in my life because I have something to embrace, a community to be a part of and a way to find "inner peace". I'm happy to know what I love and be able to explore it, I generally find that naysayers are still searching for what makes them smile, i've kinda already found it :)
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[-] hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn -13 points 2 months ago
have you ever discussed this with your therapist?
[-] rileyk
When did everyone get a therapist? My therapists are my friends and lovers, the people in the city I live and my own inner dialogue. The therapist on the show was pretty cool with who I am and what I do, "this seems to really work for you" was a direct quote.
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[-] onecooldan 1 points 2 months ago
Hi Riley, thanks for the porn!
Hey Riley :D Just asking where did you buy your footed red character print like the one you were wearing in My Strange Addiction ^^ also I see you as a role model ^^
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