Awkward Archive

I made this video in 2006, it was my first video communique with the diapered world. It's weird, awkward, kinda cute, kinda embarrassing, a fun little look into the past.

RileyKilo.com - Awkward Archive from Riley Kilo on Vimeo.

It's pretty silly, right?

When I'm diapering myself, I was wearing a dancer belt (gaff), I bought that one in high school during a time where I was very uncomfortable with my body. I wasn't as confident, I had gone out as a girl plenty of times but I thought hiding your penis was an essential part of being a girl, I felt like I was frustrated, and got erections more frequently and randomly than I do now. It was too small and it hurt, but it also was pretty prone to making me come in my pants, diapers did as well. Maybe it has something to do with how I was circumcised but I'm a very sensitive young lady, my first few sexual encounters with women were brief. I got good with my hands, I never really liked penetrating women, it didn't feel right, but the other factors usually made up for the awkward aspect that I was a woman pretending to be a man sticking their penis into another woman. Of course it takes me longer now, due to hormones and experience, and i'm happy with that. 

I've been getting E-mails & comments lately that say "the hormones are working", I'd like to give my thoughts on that. They totally are working, my hips, breasts, skin, emotions, virility, are all effected by hormones and it's awesome. At the same time, I've been living and working as a woman for a looong time and hormones have made me physically and chemically more female, but they haven't turned me into a woman, I did that myself. 

I kept the little end piece, it's a sign that i didn't know what the hell I was doing at that point. I still felt shame about my choices and the internal struggle of expressing yourself over conforming, I've since found a healthy medium.

enjoy <3